The voice of my heart

Rules & Regulations:
Each player of this game starts out by
giving 10 weird things or something that people don’t know about
themselves. People who get tagged need to write in a blog of their own
10 weird things as well as state the rules clearly. In the end, you
need to choose 10 people to be tagged and list their names. After you
do that, leave them each a comment letting them know you tagged them
and to read your blog!

Ten things people do not know about me:

1. The first on the list would be that i do not like Indian food=) Just not my citarasa=) ngeh… ngeh…

2. Lets see, i feel lonely most of the time, even when i’m around people… If i’m being too talkative or just being crazy it means that i am trying to woo those feelings away.

3. I don’t let people in easily…

4. I cook=)

5. It is hard for me to be around people who do not understand other people and wouldn’t try to. It is hard for me to accept the fact that they think everyone is like them… Thus, act like them. It is also hard for me when friends are insensitive at times.

6.I like spicy food=) plain rice with ulam and sambal belacan? you name it, extra extra hot char kuey teow (only penang char kuey teow) heh… But mostly, any hot food will put a smile on my face=)

7.This is a big world… And I’m just one guy… The thought of it makes me feel so small. So small that sometimes i shudder at the thought of it. I mean yeah, your world is what you make it, but sometimes when reality hits you… When you realize that you’re alone in this world… It makes you scared. At least, i am.

8.I still do believe in fairy tales=)

9.I cry at times=)

10. By the end of the day, the thing that tops this list would be that i still am searching for something great to hold on to. Something special=)

I gave up coffee and cigarette
I hate to say it hasn’t help me yet
I thought my problems would just disappear
And all my pain would be in yesterday

I poured my booze all down the kitchen drain
And watched my bad habits get flushed away
I thought that, that would keep my head on straight
And all my pain would be in yesterday…

But it’s true
I’m still blue…
But i finally know what to do
I must quit
I must quit…
You

I thought that if i didn’t go and play
The sadness would get bored and go away
I thought that if i didn’t go astray
Than all my pain would be in yesterday…

But it’s true
I’m still blue…
But i finally know what to do
I must quit
I must quit…
You

I sold my guitar and my piano
I thought that it was these kept me low
I thought that if only i could try and change
Than all pain would be in yesterday…

But it’s true

I’m still blue…

But i finally know what to do

I must quit

I must quit…

You

I must quit…
I must quit…
You

    Today… I’ve learn something new… that friends come and go… But only the true one’s will leave foot prints in our hearts. As i sat on my bed… I’ve come to realize that in life people always leave… It doesn’t matter what we do… Whether it’s good or bad… They all leave eventually.
    Some leave to pursue their dreams, some to get away from the hectic life they have been living… Others left because they’ve found some one greater in life… Some one whom they fell in love with. And some leave because their scared or we driven away… People leave eventually…
    What do we do then? Do we get on with life and forget about them? Make new friends as the saying goes… Or do we hide ourselves away? refusing to make new friends and getting to attach to them, because the truth hurts…The fear of letting people in…
    But no matter how long we pretend… how far we keep on running… the misses, the empty feelings and the heartaches would always be there. The feeling of loneliness, sorrow, confusion… We’re surrounded by darkness. All alone… Maybe it’s the nature of things for people to come and go… For people to disappoint you… And for us to learn that nothing lasts forever.
    It is important for us to learn to hold on to things that matter to us while we still have them. Because sometimes, we do not know what we’ve got… Until it’s gone… We wouldn’t know what the future has in store for us… What it would be like? What kind person we’re going to become?
    The only thing i know is that… Every day we wait; Is another that we won’t get back again…True… People always leave… But sometimes they come back. If we could just muster our courage and confidence and taking life one day at the time… we just might get through with life’s bitterness.
    And if we’re lucky enough… Like really really lucky… The person that we miss, the people that was driven away… Might just come back.Because people leave… For a reason… Bernard Shaw once wrote: There are only two tragedies in life… One is to gain your heart’s desire… The other is losing it. That’s all you can hope for.

Have you ever wondered where it all began? The happiness, the sadness, the laughter, the tears, the joy, the confusion, the lies… and the deceit? Is life suppose to be this way? People often say "Life is hard", "Life sucks", "Life’s a bitch". I don’t know why people say it… But if i have to take a wild guess… I would say that it has a lot to do with lost.

Losing your loved one, your job, the person you care so much about, the person that you have been waiting so long for; almost for the rest of your life… your best friend…and the life you thought you deserve.What happens then? You think that life is being unfair to you… You find yourself surrounded by questions you do not have answers to… You feel so lost, hopeless and all alone… What would you do then?

Do you get on with life and pretend nothing happened? Or do you run away from your miseries instead of confronting it? Sometimes, it’s easy to think that you are the one struggling with all the problems. It’s easy to focus all that energy and strength onto yourself; putting the spotlight on you blocking everything else out. It is hard to face the unknown alone… But…

If you could just hold on a little longer…Just bulk up a little more courage to face your problems for just another day… Some one or something might help you listen to the melody in life again. And if you look close enough, you’ll find hope in the streets you often walk along, the roar of the crowd cheering you on, in the laughter of children and in the eyes of  the person you love… And that some one?

That someone will find their way back to you… =)

For every one the story goes,

There’s a special someone to make them whole,

And you may search high and low,

But when you’re finally there…

How do you know?

Someone to you give your heart completely,

When you feel that everything is clear as the air you’re breathing…

For all my life,

I have been searching for

Something I couldn’t find

But now I know

I understand I read the signs…

Because now the world…

Feel small beneath my feet,

I feel that all the stars above…

Are only just out of reach,

And I feel so alive

For the very first time

And there’s nothing that you can’t rise above

That’s when you know that you’re in love=)

                                                                            Kamal Aiman bin Amzan

Tennessee Williams wrote: Life is all memory, except for the one present moment that goes by you so quickly you hardly catch it going…

       Looking back in time, where we roam this life happily without problems, lies, deceit and getting hurt. Back when everything was in perfect condition. A life before all the dramas, conflicts and broken hearts begin. That was how it was at least… for me… I realized now that things change… People change… Why can’t we stay the same? Being true to ourselves… and for once pause from our busy life, take a deep breath… and look back on things that has changed around us. How much has it change, while we occupy ourselves with things that sometimes don’t even matter to us? How did we get so busy till we have no time for our own life?

        I never realize how much life has changed for me. Not until today… I was sitting in the lecture theatre watching group after group presenting their plays. In the midst of my fellow friends I sat and observed the people around me. Some had smiles carved on their faces, some was laughing their heads off. Others were just plain anxious and nervous. I was having a fun time myself. It was as if everything was perfect for the moment.

        It felt like waking up on a bright Sunday morning to a face of some one you love and just simply adore. The feeling of butterflies in your stomach watching that special some one brush past you in the hallway, and realizing that you shared a special connection with her. And the feeling of being totally and crazily in love with some one for the very first time…That some one who left you speechless when she talked to you, making you surrender everything over. That some one who made you fell heads over hill for her, and that some one who made you felt as though you were reliving the first day of your life. I guess some times; life has a way of catching up to us. Life can push pretty hard sometimes like when we love some one and they forgot to love us back… like when your parents are fighting and you just felt as if everything will be ruin, and that you are caught in the middle of everything.

        I guess it is up to us… the way we want to live our lives. Sometimes, we think that life is being hard on us, life’s unfair… It’s true that sometimes it pushes us to certain extent… It is then that we must believe in ourselves and hold on to faith. For faith is everything we have at that moment.

        As happen sometimes, a moment settled, and hovered and remained for much more than a moment. And sound stepped and movement stopped for much, much more than a moment. And then the moment was gone. But if that moment some how, made an impact in your life, gave you hope and insight to improving your life the way that you want it to be… Cherish it… For it is something worth cherishing… And remember it, for it is definitely something worth remembering!!!

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            Katherine Anne Porter once wrote: There seem to be a kind of order in the universe in the movement of the stars and the turning of the earth and the changing of the seasons. But human life is almost pure chaos. Everyone takes his stance, asserts his own rights and feelings. Mistaking the motives of others and his own. Why do we do so? In a world full of conspiracy and politics; everyone is playing their own game… Leading their own life, pursuing their own dreams. Sometimes even sacrifices other people’s feelings and emotions in order to achieve their goal in life. Best friends turning their backs on each other although they have been inseparable all their lives… How did we come to this?

           Does this darkness have a name? This cruelty, this hatred, how did it find us? Did it steal into our lives? Or did we seek it out and embrace it? What happen to us? That we now put ourselves in the world like we send young men to war. Hoping for our safe return… But knowing that some would be lost along the way. When did we lose our way? Consumed by the shadows swallowed whole by the darkness. Does this darkness have a name? Is it your name?

LOVE

                 If you walk down the road feeling empty and depress… remember, love is all around. It surrounds us and guides us through our daily life whether we like it or not. To some, love is but a cruel complicated thing. Others tend to think that love makes their hearts’ sing. Here’s a question, does any one really know what love is? The truth is, no one knows what it means. It’s just a word to describe our feelings and emotions. Six billion people on this planet, no one knows what it means. Even famous linguists shake their heads when this question is ushered at their doorway.

Life holds so many mysteries and puzzles that needs solving, but one of the biggest mystery in life is LOVE. How do you know when it hits you? How sure are you that the person you fall in love with will love you back the same way you loved them. Or the fear of confessing to some one that you have fallen completely for them. This is when we are tortured by our own emotions. This is when the famous quote pops out “ Sigh, love is complicated…”

As we bask in our feelings drowning in our fear. We tend to hide away. Why? Why put away our feelings and give someone else a chance when we can do it now. Benjamin Franklin once said: never leave that till tomorrow, which you can do today. I don’t know why we put it off, but if I had to guess… I’d say it has a lot to do with fear. Fear of failure, fear of pain, fear of rejection. Sometimes the fear is just of making a decision, because what if you’re wrong? What if you’re making a mistake you can’t undo?

The early bird catches the worm; a stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can’t pretend we haven’t been told we’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time. Heard the damn poets asking us to seize the day. Still, sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under the rug until we can’t anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves what love really is. That knowing is better than wondering. That working is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst intractable mistake bears the hell out of never trying.

Shakespeare wrote: Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds; when life gets hard, when things change… True love remains the same. In life, love plays an important role and some how it affects every single people on this planet. We can’t run away from it… Because, we have been exposed to it in the very early stages of our lives. The love from our parents, who loved us unconditionally… Then as we grow older, we find a best friend whom we love. Then as time passes us by, we fall in love… get married, and share the love we have with our family. The circle goes on as we passed on our love to our children and them too to their children. We can’t escape it for it is human nature to love. It is impelled within our very soul…It will always be the guiding force in our lives.

I never thought i would find,

A friend so great and a friend so kind,

I look up to you in every way,

Cause i learn somethimg new from you everyday,

Without you i don’t know where i’d be,

But you’re still here friends with me,

You deserve so much more than i can give,

But without you i wouldn’t live,

You’ve given me more than money can buy,

And for you i’d give my all and i would die,

This feeling i feel gets stronger everyday,

Hoping not to screw it up i constantly pray,

I know we have our problems every now and then,

But once it’s fixed our friendship is better times ten,

And i want you to know that i truly do care,

Even in fight when i say things that aren’t fair,

You’re an angel from god up above,

And i am thankful for your understanding love,

Because when you’re around everything seems right,

And for you until i would fight,

It doesn’t matter what you do or say,

Because you’ll be my friend anyway,

I know the real you deep inside,

And in you i’ll always confide,

Thanks for being the friend you are,

You’re my best friend an angel by far,

Everything in you is an inspiration to do great,

And you will be love by all cause that’s your fate,

So never stop being the real and wonderful you,

Cause god shines in through all that you do,

And whenever it seems i’m never there,

Remember this: I love you, and always will care!!!

                                       Kamal Aiman bin Amzan

As we journey through life, we discover ourselves… Our hobbies, ambitions, the person we want to be in life. Stumble in the game of love and hope for a happy ending. But as time pass us by, we tend to realise that in life… things don’t normally go the way we want them to be. This is when the famous quote " sigh, that’s life" pops out… How many times have we used this quote as we journey through life?

Have you ever wondered what life really is? Have you ever seeked or asked questions involving life? Tennessee Williams once wrote" life is an unanswered question, but lets still believe in the importance and dignity of the question." The answer we seek, lies within the journey, as we embrace each and every single day of our life… Life, is about the journey, not the ending.

At this moment, there are 6billion 4hundred and 17million 8hundred and 18thousand, 6hundred and 71 people. Some are running scared, some are coming home, some tell lies to make it through the day… Others are just now realising the truth. Some, are evil men at war with good… And some are good, struggling with evil. 6 billion people on the planet… 6 billion souls… And sometimes, all you need is one.

One opportunity to make thigs turn out the way we want them to. A single light of hope, one spark of faith, can change a person’s life forever. Ralph Waldo Emmerson once wrote, "I am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul." In life, opportunity come and go. It is up to us to grab it, and from there nevigate the courses of our lives… For there is an affair in the tide of men, which taken at the flood, leads on to fortune… But omitted the voyage of their lives, is bound in shallows and in miseries. On such a full sea we now afloat, we must take the current when it serves… Or lose the ventures before us.

Many of us blame it on our lives when things don’t go the way we plan them to. Remember then, that life isn’t unfair… It’s just waiting for the correct moment to pounce, and when it does… You’ll be so gratefull and so thankfull for you know your hardwork and effort has been paid off. Life surprises us in so many ways and usually strikes whan we least expect it. So, do not let your fire go out… A spark replaced by an irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the noty quite in the not yet, the not at all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish for the live you deseve… But never been able to reach. The world you desire can be won, it exist, it is real, it is possible, it is yours.

As the new year is just around the corner, let us think back together and reminisce our reason for our journey this year. For Hensel said Gretel, "Let us drop these bread crumbs… So that together we can find our way back home." Because losing your way in life could be the cruelest of things, and losing your way on a journey is unfortunate, but losing your reason for the journey is fate more cruel. And once you lose yourself you have two choices, find the person you use to be… Or lose that person completely. Because sometimes you have to step out of the person you have been, and remember the person you were meant to be. The person that you wanted to be… The person you are.

As we strain to grasp the things in life, things that we think and hope will make our lives better. Money, popularity, fame… We ignore the simple things in life. Things like friendship, family, love. The simple things we probably already had. Yes, losing your heart’s desire is tragic; but losing the ones that you love? That’s all you can hope for.

Every song has a coda. A final movement whether it fades out or crashes  away… Every song ends. Is that any reason not to enjoy the music? As Ida Scott Taylor stated: "Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone… Do not be troubled about the future for it has yet to come. Live the present and make it so beautiful, that it will be worth remembering." Most of our lives is a series of images, they past us by like towns on highways. But as happens sometimes, a moment stuns us and we know this instance that it is more than just a fleeting image. We know that this moment, every part of it will live on for the rest of our lives.

In a nut shell, if having things turn out the way you want them to is a measure towards a successfull life… Then some would say i’m a failure. The important thing is not to be bitter over life’s dissapointments, and recognise that each day won’t be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the shadows of darkness and despair… Remember, that it is only in the of the night you see the stars. And the stars will guide you home. So do not be afraid to stumble and fall, because sometimes the greatest reward comes from doing things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you ever wished for… Maybe, you’ll get more than you could ever imagined. Who knows where life may take you… The road is long, but in the end… The journey is the destination.

Please bear in mind that in every fairy tale there is a happy ending… But in life, every ending is a new beginning